A reply to somebody's detailed account of a mystical episode triggered by a large dose of Cannabis
On 29th December 2008 J. from somewhere in Australia wrote:
First of all, thanks very much for publishing this site, it was a great find for me.
I've only just discovered your site and need to do a lot more reading to find out more about how you got to where you are today. I've skim-read quite a few of the pages and it seems your experience was quite different to my own. I just thought you might be interested in my story (or maybe not - please let me know if thousands of people might send you this exact same email everyday).
I'm Australian (just north of Sydney) and honestly have barely read a single book in my life. I'm 22 and my father owns an accounting software company. I spend 90% of my time working (developing/consulting). I think it's important that you know I'm certainly not a deep thinker, I've never been artistic or written anything in my life, but I consider myself to be pretty intelligent. Also, I was brought up Christian but I barely ever think or talk about religion - I'm far too busy with work.
I'd never taken any drugs before about a year ago. My first experience was smoking pot from a 2L coke bottle.
I stumbled inside and watched a friend play mario for a few seconds before starting to feel very high. All of a sudden the past minute or so repeated itself again. It was extremely vivid and was *100%* identical in every way. Every sound, every sight, etc. The same thing then happened again and again, however my perspective from inside this loop could alter. I started to panic, and the more I panicked the shorter the amount of time that was looping. The loop always finished at the same spot, but was starting closer to this moment each time. This looping sensation kept happening for what felt like hours.
I was extremely paranoid and my obvious thought (not knowing anything about pot or being high) was that I had died that night. I realised that this looping sensation was the ultimate torture for the soul (burning in fire would be at least bearable if you had your sanity), and that I must be experiencing hell. During this looping, I was searching my surroundings and discovered that above me was a down-light in my lounge room. To cut a long story short, I soon discovered that the more time I spent staring at the light, the closer I became to the light (literally, like zooming-in slowly with a camera lens). It was at this point I decided I would do anything in my power to save myself from this looping and eventually I came so close to this light that all I could see was pure white. As I'm sure you're aware, it's very hard to put these kinds of things into words without sounding like an idiot, but in my mind I was in fact living this experience, it was not a dream, I could actua! lly think and process things as if my mind was perfectly alive and well.
As soon as I hit this this pure white on my living room ceiling, I suddenly "snapped out" of the experience and remember my mates putting me into a car - they would later tell me one minute I was completely "out of it", then the next minute I seemed to be fine and could speak to them normally.
It's very hard to explain the next moment of that night, so please bare with my attempt. I consider myself to be a fast learner. Throughout my schooling I always wanted to be taught much faster. What occurred to me was as if I amplified that feeling of wanting to learn by about one trillion times normal. It was as if I'd only used a minute part of my brain up until now and suddenly I was running at 100% throttle. I very quickly re-learnt every single stored memory right from a toddler up until now, but with a greater understanding than ever. I was able to process everything at a rapid pace, yet everything was crystal clear without confusion. Again, it felt as if I were truly living inside of this experience. I was becoming extremely excited by everything taking place with my comprehension beginning to expand way beyond just simple memories. The more I wanted to know, the more I learned and understood. Before long, space and time (or lack of it) truly made sense. I soon reali! sed that this ability was way beyond what I would have previously considered normal. I started to believe that I was in fact my own God.
I felt like everything I was learning had a hidden meaning behind it. It made perfect sense that I was learning the meaning of life in "reverse" order. I felt like I was truly happy and this feeling of enlightenment was paradise. For example, I learnt that all the pain and suffering in the world was invented so that I could discover that it's all just the opposite of beauty (I'll get to this later). Learning that all the evil I thought existed is not real (again, I try to go into this later) is something I can't describe with words. I'll just say it's so much better than I ever imagined possible. I realised the design of the universe and experiencing life, followed by this sensation couldn't be more perfect.
Even though this feeling of being God was happening at a rapid pace, at the same time I felt as if I was living all of history at the same time. It was as if realising I invented the concept of space and time meant I could just squash the entire universe into the size of a tennis ball so it was easier to understand. I learnt that there was nothing I or anyone else could do which could stop the universe from being what it is. This feeling of relief added to the sense of perfection. I learnt that a lot of difficult issues in the world were really created as jokes (religion, sex, homosexalty, etc.) so that as I learnt the real meaning behind them could sit back and laugh (after all, humour is a good thing).
The whole experience finished once I felt like I'd travelled (half literally, half discovery) through the universe - appearing smaller as I zoomed out, unlocking the meaning behind everything. It got to the stage where I discovered why the countries were separated in their shapes, why constellations were placed in their positions, etc. I felt extreme power at this stage - I was quite literally staring at the solar systems, with planets orbiting stars at ferocious pace before my eyes.
During this whole experience, I had a slight sense of confusion, but also an understanding (ironic? read on...). As I'd gain new understanding, I'd also discover its opposite, and together, they ended up being the same thing - everything/nothing. These opposites became more extreme, and the sense of learning them became more empowering. I soon realised that the opposite of this universe I was controlling was just a bunch of black and white specs (like snow on a TV). The more I zoomed out and saw of the universe, the more I realised the opposite was just a few black and white specs. It then dawned on me that the entire universe and nothingness were opposites - one is black, one is white. Off and On. That's all the big bang and life as we know it is - the opposite of nothing - and it's made up of infinite complexity of On's and Off's (hello A.I?).
It was at this moment of discovery that I "snapped out" of it again and everything was normal. I felt like I'd been given a second chance (didn't really make sense). I kind of ignored the whole thing but asked a few people if it was normal to experience weird spiritual things on pot. Everyone said "Yes, you just had too much." The only drugs I've had since then is a bit of ecstacy - some cool stuff religious stuff happened then too, but not to the extent above.
Since the pot I've been extremely busy with work and haven't thought much about any of this stuff. It was only the other day when I was having an argument with my Christian sister that I thought back to this experience. In the past few days (no drugs) I've had a couple of interesting thoughts. These thoughts are a bit too complex for me to put into words currently but it occurred to me that I probably wasn't the only person on the planet who'd experience the God thing, so I googled "Everyone is God" and found you.
I decided to write this to you before reading your site any further, so I wouldn't distort my version. It'd be great to hear any comments you might have.
Thanks for your email and happy new year! I was in Australia about 10 years ago, touring with a psychedelic trance band so I was quite involved in that whole scene back then. Yes I get quite a few emails from people describing their mystical experiences and I always find them interesting to read. It's remarkable how people often describe the same experiences even though they would never have read about them or learned about the things that they describe from any other source other than from within.
And yes, Cannabinoids have been a feature of the spiritual/mystical landscape since time immemorial, though a hidden and taboo aspect. It was/is used by Sufis a lot in Islam, also the Assassin sect in times past. In India it is used a lot by the Saddhus(holy men) and in some Tantric practices. And of course it is a sacred sacrement used by the Rastafari of Jamaica. The list goes on. But what all these groups from around the World have in common in of course a belief in the God within, the One in All and the All in One, or the idea that 'everyone is God'. Second is a common belief in reincarnation. Also I like to think that the Charis smoking, LSD dropping youth of Israel are the hope for future peace in the Middle East and the spiritual vanguard of Judaism, but maybe that just me being a middle aged old hippy.
At the same time, I would hesitate to recommend the casual use of Cannabinoids. My psychologist and psychiatrist friends tell me that Cannabis has become the leading cause of Schizophrenia in young people. Which is a real shame. The hope is that one day we'll understand enough about the brain and psycho-pharmological interventions so that we'll be able to safely and realiably induce mystical states while at the same time avoiding people losing their minds permanently. I guess it's only a fraction of people who are susceptible, so it's a smallish risk and some people will take it whatever the possible outcomes, I know I did in my youth and I've got no regrets. Still it would cause me concern if a loved one opted for the sort of very experimental lifestyle I led in my 20s. What I'm trying to say is 'Be careful out there'.
Concerning your experience, I've heard about the 'time loop' thing several times before though have not experienced it myself. It sounds scary. Often the threshold to the full blown mystical experience involves moments of dread and terror. On drugs this is very intense and condensed into a short time span. Sometimes during a 'natural' mystical episode this dark and unpleasant phase may last weeks even months, a sort of slow grind and gradual destruction of the ego. Afterwards, from what you describe, it sounds like you really entered into a connected state and thought the thoughts of God and gained access to the knowledge of God, saw Cosmic sights and directly apprehended ultimate metaphysical truths.
And yes, I often get the Cosmic Joke state during either borderline or full on mystical experiences. The realization of being God is the most shocking, amazing and funny thing in the Universe. The ultimate shift in context from thinking we are this mortal suffering finite thing to understanding that we are the eternal, Cosmic and divine being. I know I'm in a happy and connected phase in my normal life when I can readily access this state of divine humour in my normal day to day existence. The trick of life, as I see it, is to be able to access and live in the mystical state during much of our waking lives. This might be called enlightenment. I believe this involves, Cosmic humour, Cosmic Love and Cosmic Bliss. From here this is a good place to emanate compassion, charity and happiness unto others. And do worthy spiritual, planet saving, world tyranny defying, better world creating actions. The spiritual journey involves getting to this place and showing others how they can get there too. Anyway, we're still working on it.
It's amazing how common mystical experiences are becoming. As your friends would testify, these states of mind are part and parcel of the whole realm of cannabis and dope smoking, if done right and in sufficient doses. What is sometimes unusual is when people take note of some of the more 'far out' experiences and investigate further. It is as if, psychedelic substances, such a various Cannabinoids, open up doors; but not all people chose to enter in and explore further. Some people go in for a bit, look around but then totally fail to integrate what they experience into their 'real' or rather worldly lives. Some people become absolutely terrified and slam the door shut opting for the security of the familiar.
I like to encourage the view that this mystic door leads to the truth, indeed leads to God, the ultimate mystery and our true nature. This is the purpose of the website and what I do. To open that door for people, to help people keep that door open and also bring back into mundane temporal reality, some of the treasure that lies on the other side. I'll also add that in order for the truth to be more widely disseminated and accepted there sometimes has to be a dissociation between mysticism/spirituality on the one hand and psychedelic substances on the other. It is important to show how the truth can be attained and maintained without the use of or help from psychedelic substances such as Cannabis. That's why I believe it is so important to be able to explain to people rationally and plainly the truth that their real identity is God. At the same having an understanding of the truth will I believe synergise with the effects of any mystical state facilitating practice of substance, i.e. Yoga, Tantra, Meditation and Psychedelia.
As for your sister, it's often ironic when conventionally religious people talk about their beliefs in relation to the idea that everyone is God, usually they're hostile and unreceptive to the truth. Since the idea that everyone is God is at the esoteric heart of all religion and is really the experience of all the founders World religion and the truth which gives rise to Religion in the first place. It is especially funny when Christians deny the idea that everyone is God when they fully believe that a person, i.e. Jesus, is fully God as the central tenet. If then can totally accept that then it's not a major stretch of the imagination to see that everyone else is God too, as it explicitly says in some of the early Gnostic Christian scriptures. Anyway I could ramble on...
I think I'll post my reply on the website. With your permission may i use your name and details. Else I'll keep things anonymous. Keep in touch, we'll come back to Australia at some point to give talks.