A Response to somebody's sense of doubt and disillusionment
with mainstream Christianity in the USA
On 3rd of November 2007, Ellis Guy from Fayetteville, North Carolina USA wrote:
I have been devouring your writing! I too have come full circle. It would take too long to go into a full bio, but we have been on similar paths and I was shown and told the same revelation. I'm 55 and I have known since my earliest childhood something was wrong with the church teachings I was being taught. Good moral values and stuff, but even at 6,7, or 8 years old, somehow I knew the simplistic stories of my "salvation" left astronomical gaps in logic and common sense. I left the church later in early teen years and didn't think much of it until around the early 80's when I was riding over to see my girl at the time and heard the Voice: "It's time". I knew who it was. I have always felt close to God without the church nonsense. I said: "Time for what?". He said: "Trust me".
I immediately felt drawn to find a church. Might as well, oddly enough, my girlfriend broke up with me as soon as I finally got over there. Fast forwarding, I am a sound engineer and musician mixing sound for the morning service one Sunday when it struck me: “Why do I believe anything the preacher says? In fact, why do I believe anything I believe! Why is what I believe the truth about ANYTHING!” That started years of researching church history (what a mess that is), the history of the Bible, other cultures, other religions, and I’m sure we’ve duplicated some of the same work. Plus, I spent a lot of work on myself trying to understand my brain, the conscious, subconscious, what thoughts are, where they come from, and all sorts of stuff that blew all of my friends minds that, just like you, I found myself isolated and a heretic in the minds of any church group and still am to a large extent. I mostly keep my mouth shut unless I sense the other person is a seeker.
I haven’t had as vivid as experiences as you have had, but I have been given a few revelations during my search and have had several brushes with the Spiritual higher level, what I think is our true consciousness. I believe also scriptures are in at least two tiers if not more of which I haven’t been given access to yet until I understand these two. One level for the simple minded and one level for the seeker of Truth.
I have a sound contracting company Cathedral Sound and Light. You can see some of what I do at my site cathedralsound.com. I haven’t been keeping up the site because in 1999, I had a major revelation that destroyed my entire reason for being in the business.
I was doing this work because of my “belief system” of using my talents for the “Lord’s work”. Problem was the good Christian folks seem to have problems in paying their bills and I could never understand if the churches work was so important, why do they consistently try to get by on the cheap! I thought God had unlimited wealth. Dough nut sales to raise money for a project?
I had just finished a large installation and was exhausted. Years of fighting an up hill battle seemed to culminate around the end of 1999 and I literally got up one morning, walked to my office door, started to open it, and turned around and walked away. I was burnt out. I had to take a break.
It was during this time I was coming to the conclusion that church was not what is was meant to be. I now call them church clubs. That’s all they are. Good folks (most), working as hard as they can lost in a false belief system. They have no clue. Nothing wrong with a church club or Christian entertainment complex, or Christian Beliefs Police Organization, just call it what it. It’s certainly not spiritual enlightenment.
I realized I was the only one in the equation trying to better the world by providing articulate sound for the masses to hear the “Word”. It wasn’t dawning on me the Word was corrupted and not even the center piece of the church in the first place. I had researched a lot of the history of the Bible and knew there were severe problems, but I still wasn’t putting the whole picture together yet. I was still too attached to my belief of who I thought I was at the time.
My knowing came during the last 3 or 4 years and I do regret not writing down the date. I was sitting and reading in my living room. Out of clear blue I heard: “I did not come to die for your sins. I came to show you who you already are”. I was absolutely stunned. I was numb from head to toe. It took me a minute to get myself together and I walked down the road and laid in the grass and spent about an hour with God. I have not being seeking or felt the pull of seeking the Truth since. I think I understand how the Gnostics felt, but I don’t know. I had a major transformation of mind that day that nailed the coffin shut on traditional religious teachings, at least those that I was familiar with.
Now my biggest problem is what to do with the knowledge. I will never have enough time to study enough to present a compelling presentation like you have on your site. It is excellent. Second problem, is I have a hard time selling sound systems because the reason I was doing it vanished. I’m having to work at finding my true passion which I think is a teacher. But teacher of what I don’t know. I have all sorts of technical skills, but for some reason, I keep getting compliments on how I was able to explain a thing. I did teach a heating and air conditioning course when I was 22, but there was no money in it. I did enjoy it though. I keep asking God but no obvious clues yet. Meanwhile the big cash machine I used to run has almost rusted to a stop! Strange how you still need money.
I don’t have any desire to attend any church, but I would like to find like minded people like us, to expand my knowledge and for goodness sake to have someone to talk to! I have found very few in the world so far where we are. My wife is rooted in the local church and thinks my evolution is back sliding and “we are praying for you”.
I too am a scientific minded person that grew up with chemistry sets, telescopes, microscopes, etc. fascinated by how the world works. I’ve studied quantum mechanics and pondered hours in the night about how gravity works. I came to the conclusion that the world is not real years ago and I compared it to the holideck on Star Trek. I’ve studied Troward and all those ideas. One thing I thought about a lot was, if my Christian name is “Ellis” , what is my Spirit’s name? It could only be the Christ Mind which aligns with some of your ideas. Yes, we are all the same person! It took me a while to get my head around that one.
Knowing all of this and experiencing it really does change how I see the world. It’s almost like I can look beyond it. I was walking the other night (I walk and think too) and thinking – how cool would it be, to be looking ahead down the road and the night stars and all of a sudden a veil is pulled back and I see the expanse of the universe or an inverted space. I could almost see it happening. I’m sure it would scare me to death, but I’d love to experience something like that.
It really changes how I see people too. I see myself in everyone and everything. I feel connected to everything in my world down to the gravel under my feet.
Well, starting to ramble.
If I ever get to travel your way, I’ll try to remember to look you up. I’d love to sit and talk about this. In the meanwhile, keep up the good work.
Thanks for the positive feedback and thanks especially for sharing your story with me. I have a strong feeling that there are many many people involved in organized religion who have had the same thoughts and doubts that you experienced, but don't have the initiative or courage to break away. And don't worry about your wife. Most people believe what they believe because it's what everyone else around them believes. In an alternate Universe where all things are equal except that Gnostic beliefs are dominant and Literalist ones unorthodox, then your wife would be admonishing you for believing that Jesus is the only begotten son of the Father, through an immaculate conception, virgin birth, who died and physically resurrected after three days. She would be praying that you'll return to the fold and recognize that you are God and that you yourself are the dying/resurrecting God man.
Funnily enough in my job I will find myself twiddling with volume controls for the sound system during Sunday service or some other event in the Church. And also working in a Church I can totally understand some of your views and experiences you've had in dealing with organized religion. Though I have a lot of sympathy with my Christian friends and co workers. My current job is giving me the perfect context for honing my skills and arguements, towards the process of trying to explain to people from a Christian background, the original truth behind Christianity. I'm very optimistic that conditions are ripe for the truth to be accepted on a large scale, especially by the young.
I know what you mean about guarding these sorts of views. Jesus' advice about not throwing pearls at the swine is rather relevant here. At the same time, I am finding that more and more people are starting to open up to the sort of mystical ideas that we are into. I think it is really a matter of articulating clearly the doubts that many people have about religion and then to communicate a better vision of the divine for the 21st century. I think that in the back of the mind, of many religious people is this uneasy feeling that there is something very very wrong with World Religion. While at the same time in the secular world there is growing doubt in the correctness and authenticity of the existing Scientific Materialist world view. The same here. Tell people clearly and convincingly, exactly what is wrong with the current Scientific picture of reality and then give them a Sacred interpretation of Science and an Idealistic(In the Ontological sense) philosophical view of existence. So here is the oppurtunity for communicating the truth that everyone is God.
This is a very special time. Of course it is senseless to try to explain to a bunch of Fundamentalist Christians, Jew or Muslims that they're God. It's futile and can even be quite risky, i.e. involve actual bodily harm. But at the same time for the first time in history the truth can be spoken plainly and directly instead of only figuratively and in parables. It is my belief that we are coming to the point where the believers of the Truth and the Way, can take on the Scientific, Philosophic and Theological authorities or arbiters of truth in open/public debate and win! Of course this doesn't mean that these same authorities will accept the truth, but there again the outcome of a public debate is not decided by the participants but rather in the hearts and minds of those following it. Again I think it is the young who will readily accept the truth once it's communicated in a form that can be understood and expressed in the concepts and in relation to the dominant ideas of the present age.
Concerning about what to do with this knowledge I can only talk from my own experience. What I've been doing is to try and communicate it to as many people as I possibly can. It was very problematic at first and I got into a lot of trouble when I first started, also I was very isolated. I think you've experienced some of the same. However I persevered and am in a much better position now, in that I've improved the skills and methods that I am using to communicate the truth. Also I have managed to assemble a small but growing network of like minded people around me and we give each other emotional and spiritual support on the mystical odyssey. Now that we've made a connection I hope by having a trans-Atlantic like minded friend, you'll be encouraged on your path.
I get most of my emails from the U.S.A. as well as most of my web traffic. And I can guess that there are many people out there who a sympathetic to the ideas that we're into. By directly expressing the truth that 'Everyone is God', one is in effect putting up a sort of beacon that attracts people who resonate with the truth. The hope is that by openly and directly commicating the truth we'll set up the conditions whereby spontaneous groups will form around the World when a critical mass of people within a certain geographical locale discover that they're all believing in these ideas. Then the truth can be shared, mutual support and inspiration may be obtained and these ideas further propogated. That's the beauty of this message, by showing people the God within this is the most liberating, democratic, egalitarian and tyranny defying idea there could ever be. No central command, something that may emerge from the grass roots the World over. All that's needed is a clear, convincing and compelling vision of God that may excite the spiritual imagination and catalyze the process of spiritual renewal. But we're not talking about a new religion but rather an anti-religion. And not another new cult but rather the anti-cult. Indeed the truth will set you free.
Hey, now I'm starting to ramble. Anyway, I better get some sleepzzzz
Kind regards & keep in touch
Ellis wrote again:
Thanks for the reply.
Yes, you can use my email. Maybe it will start someone thinking.
I found your site by searching on "the truth about religion". I don't why I decided to do that, but it just came to me. I was "twiddling on the web" in the wee hours of the morning.
I enjoyed your response. Very articulate.
One of my favorite questions I used to ask church leaders when I got to know them better during a sound system install (I most likely would not have gotten the job if I ask it up front :), "Tell me something. Without quoting a single scripture, why is what you believe the Truth?" Of course they would start out with John 3:16 and I would have to stop them and say "I said without quoting any scripture". I have yet have one that could answer the question. Preachers with several letters after their name, stumped. And just "because" is not an answer.
One guy in a church regional headquarters where I was doing some work, turned red and his eyes teared up. He said "I knew someone some day was going to ask me that question and there you stand."
I haven't done much research on a preacher I heard about months ago on TV, but I think it's Carlton Pierce. He had a typical several thousand member charismatic church for years when the Truth was made real to him. He started preaching it and of course lost the church. He is now in California I think starting a new church.
I just found it: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14337492/
I'll keep visiting your site and let you know if anything earth moving happens around here.
Thanks for your work,